THE SIGNATURE PATH

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No, this post is so not important because I just feel like I wanna choke everything inside my head out by writing. To keep me sane a while.

This month's been the craziest month of studying that I've ever experienced so far. I studied more than 12 hours a day with only taking a 2-3 hours break in total (including shower and eating!). And this is crazy. I don't know how my other UOL-mate can survive this kind of studying method for few months. I really salute you all as it's like there's only 4 things in your life: sleeping, eating, bathing, and studying. full stop. FIUH.

Since the beginning of the month, I tried to fix my sleeping time back to normal, which means that I will sleep around 1 am or at the latest is 2 am and wake up at 8 am. But it's only working out for few days as afterwards, I got back to my nocturnal life, sleep at 4 -5 am and woke up at 10am. And that is because I AM STU-DIE-ING! I never thought that I could do that - since studying is my no.1 enemy. heheh :p - but hey, that's because I have such supportive friends too! I never studying in group for exam preparation before, but it turns out that it's great! We're helping each other out, we're supporting each other out, and we're keeping each other sane, too. Hahaha. Well, I'm a type of person who is quite difficult to mingle out with everyone. Therefore, I'm happy to find a little but amazing friends for a company, especially study company. Thanks, F, E, T!! Ganbatteeh! :)

Yeah, I'm having my finale exam. My final uni-life exam. I can't believe too that it's been 3 years I'm going through my uni life in Singapore. Anyway, cross your finger and pray for my best, will ya? Cause even this year has been my toughest year ever so far, I hope this final exam won't fail me. January was my new year's nightmare. February was my flood of tears. March was unbelievably bad. April was full of unpredictable shocking events. And now May, it's been 11 days of fighting, and still going on. I've prayed and tried my best. Hope God can do me a favor by doing the rest.

Nitey nite studying mind..
Best of luck for all of you who take any exam!

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"Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still."- Dorothea Lange

Nowadays people engaged to photography more than before. Seeing many great pics on facebook, twitter, blogs, tumblr, instagram, or anywhere, make me smile sometimes. Not because it has me in it, but because it’s all about people’s memories. How they keep all those moments in photos which sometimes explain much more than words. The smile, the laugh, the sadness, the cry, the good time, the bad time, the silly things, the sunny day, the heavy rain, the rainbow, the nature, the street, the home sweet home, the sky, life, everything.

Well, I don’t really like myself being captured in a photograph especially when I’m alone in that pic(s). A bit weird. A bit.. awkward moment, I guess. More, I’m not good at taking picture either. Yeah, bad photographer + not a photogenic person. Perfect combination, huh? But then, I start thinking about what can we have to keep as we grow older? What can we have to remind us about all the things that we’ve been through? What can we use to tell our grandchildren about our era?

Eniweii, I think, from now on, I should take more pictures about my surroundings. Wherever I am later, I hope I can take at least one pic to remind me of that time, because I don’t wanna miss any small details about my life anymore. Not to mention taking many pics of my big and lovable family, my amazing friends, my soon to be ended school, my next study place, my upcoming working environment, and surely my loved one ;)

That is to show how precious my memories are to me.
No matter how good or bad each story ended, that’s all what I got. And eventually, that was part of my life, my LESSON which shaped me until who I am now. Be proud of yours! And never regret anything especially ones which ever make you happy because they all happened because of a reason which will give you a better tomorrow.

via: google

Hey Past, thanks for teaching me to be a better person till this day and I’m sorry for the mistakes I’ve done which might hurt lots of people. Can my apologize be accepted?

Hey Present, bare with me because I won’t let my today’s fall stop me to reach my dreams. Walk with me so that I know I will always have a company to get through one each day.

Hey Future, I will not ask you to be nice as I kinda like it if you always be a mystery and surprise me every single day. Yet, help me to be more positive so that I will not miss the happiness that I can get in a day.

BE HAPPY!
Live your life to the fullest. :)

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Pernah ngga sih kamu dihadapkan pada situasi dimana kamu harus memutuskan hal yang terbaik buat dirimu sendiri? Dan mungkin untuk orang lain juga? Ketika tidak ada orang disekitarmu yang bisa membantumu untuk memberikan keputusan itu karena hanya kamu yang tahu jawabannya. Karena hanya kamu yang bisa merasakan. Dan karena hanya kamu satu-satunya orang yang menjalaninya.

Ini yang pertama buatku. Dan rasanya...... sulittt sekalii. Atau bahkan, it does hurt.

It feels like everything is wrong but you just simply don’t want to let it go that easy because you have once fought for it so hard. Bagaimana bisa aku dengan mudahnya melepas sesuatu yang dulu pernah aku anggap bisa menjadi ‘sesuatu’? Saat itu aku percaya bahwa aku bisa. Dan bahwa aku hanya akan tahu hasilnya dengan berani mencoba. Membuka pintu kesempatan yang belum pernah aku buka sebelumnya.

I’ve been thinking like every single day just so I know what I should do. What is the best way for this. But, it seems like there is no one best way karena bagaimanapun aku berusaha bertahan dalam apapun yang terjadi, sabar, menerima, mendengarkan, dan apapun itu ternyata tidak pernah cukup. Tidak pernah ada kata cukup untuk semuanya. Enough is just too much. Anyhow, both of us are hurts. :’(

Dan aku mulai merenung. Merenung lebih dalam. Mencari tahu apa yang hilang.

Dulu, ketika mempertahankannya menjadi sesuatu yang aku perjuangkan, kini aku mempertanyakan bagaimana bisa rasa lelah yang sangat itu hadir begitu cepat. Menyedot setiap tenaga yang aku punya tanpa aku bisa melawan. Menyerahkan semuanya kepada waktu. Que sera sera.

Dulu, ketika aku bisa dengan rela mengalah, kini aku mempertanyakan kemana rasa itu pergi digantikan dengan egoisme. Bahwa aku ingin didengar juga. Bahwa untuk sekali ini, biarkan aku punya pendapatku sendiri. Bisakah?

Dulu, ketika menganguminya adalah mudah, kini aku mempertanyakan kemana menguapnya rasa itu. Mungkin itu menguap bersama setiap kata yang pernah terucap tanpa titik koma. Mungkin itu menguap bersama setiap janji yang tak pernah terwujud.

Dulu, ketika hanya indah yang ditawarkan, kini aku mempertanyakan kemana indah itu menghilang? Digantikan dengan teriakan, tudingan, pertengkaran, umpatan, lemparan, tarikan, dan, hinaan.

Dulu, ketika perbedaan itu menjadi sebuah fondasi yang aku mimpikan dapat memperkaya malah menjadi sesuatu yang akhirnya mengandaskan. Perdebatan tanpa ujung hanya karena perbedaan. Pertengkaran tanpa solusi yang tak ada henti. Mengapa perbedaan bisa menjadi begitu menyakitkan? Menjadi hal yang tak bisa terbantahkan?

Dulu, ketika cinta dijadikan modal dasar untuk maju. Apapun yang terjadi aku harus percaya bahwa cinta itu cukup. Untuk maju. Untukmu. Untukku. Tapi lalu aku bertanya apakah semua dapat dibenarkan hanya karena seseorang mengatasnamakan cinta? Apakah masih ada rasa peduli jika ternyata cinta yang dberikan itu malah menyakiti?

Dulu, ketika peduli itu begitu kuat terasa dalam sehari-hari, lalu aku harus memaksakan diri untuk menjadi dingin. Untuk menjadi diam. Untuk menjadi jahat. Demi kamu. I feel terrible. I’m devastated now. :’(

Lalu, aku sendiri belajar bahwa air mata itu tidak akan membantu merubah apapun. Seberapapun banyak air mata yang tumpah ruah, percuma. Yes, we will feel better after crying, but it doesn’t change anything. Karena esok hari dengan matahari yang sama dan gelap yang sama, rasa itu hadir lagi, bayang itu tetap sama, dan semuanya tetap buram. Just face it because maybe this is what people called : move on.

Dan pada akhirnya, semua orang berubah. Sekecil apapun perubahan itu, SEMUA orang berubah. Jangan tanya kenapa karena aku sendiripun tidak punya jawabannya.

Sampai jumpa. Sampai jumpa hingga kita memang ditakdirkan berjumpa lagi. Semoga ketika saat itu datang aku sudah lebih dewasa karena mungkin saat ini aku hanya anak kemarin sore yang masih buta. Tidak ada pegangan kemana harus melangkah. Tidak menemukan tuntunan harus bagaimana berjalan dalam gelap.

Aku hanya berharap kamu baik-baik saja disana. Kamu tahu kemana harus mencariku.

See you later when i see you :”)

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